Success in
Dating
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Word format)
1. Motivation: Why many teenagers want to date.
A. Peer pressure— “But Mom, but Dad,
everyone else is doing it.”
B. Status symbol— this other person is
your ‘trophy,’ the football jock or the
hottest babe.
C. Security blanket— looking for some
type of emotional stimulation that you don’t
receive at home.
D. It cuts out competition— the attitude
of ‘now I don’t have to work at it,’ or so
you think.
E. Longing to be important— insecurity
complex.
2. SOP: Standard Operating Procedure.
A. Who? A Christian friend, because
friendship matters. If you wouldn’t marry
them, then you have no business dating
them!
In 2 Corinthians 6:14 Paul commands
Christians not to “be bound
together with unbelievers.” He say’s,
“for what partnership have righteousness
and lawlessness, or what fellowship has
light with darkness?”
B. What? The 3 F’s: for friendship,
fellowship, and fun.
C. When? When both are mature enough
mentally and spiritually to understand the
purpose of dating and take responsibility
for their actions and decisions. Who
determines that? The parents.
Regardless of how old you are or of what you
perceive your ‘intellectual prowess’ to be,
as long as you reside under their roof, you
reside under their authority, period!
D. Where? Someplace where both can have
fun without compromising security or
integrity.
E. Why? To extend friendship. What’s
your motivation— to protect or
possess?
3. Why teenagers ‘going out’ or ‘going together’ does more harm
than good.
A. No teenager is prepared
or
equipped to have authority over another
teenager. A man has no authority over a
woman until God-given in marriage.
B. The equivalent to ‘going out’ in the
Word of God is betrothal, a mutual pledge to
marry, what we call an engagement. A
betrothal was a binding contract between a
man and his fiancé’s father.
C. Most couples are attracted by selfish
motivation. They use the other person until
they’re tired or bored, and then call it
quits.
D. This steady ‘romantic’ relationship
forces young people together far more than
they’re ready for. Teenagers should never
be alone for too long; all that sweetness
can turn bitter, real fast.
Young men, until you have your spiritual
priorities in order, until you have some
honor and integrity, you don’t need
and are not ready for God’s grace
provision of a woman.
E. The teenage years are part of the
preparation process, a ‘boot camp’ in
humility to orient us to the absolute
authority of God’s will— a spiritual life of
service and impact for the Lord Jesus
Christ.
4.
A few simple, basic principles
for dating.
A. Never date anyone that you would not
marry. This implies evaluation from
divine viewpoint before the dating
process begins. That rules out all
unbelievers! You cannot change another
person, therefore, dating them ‘for Christ’
is not a legitimate function of the
Royal Ambassadorship.
C. If your boy / girlfriend is not
Christ-centered and grace oriented, if the
Word of God is not priority number one in
their life, then what you have is the
spirituality vs. carnality or spirituality
vs. religion syndrome. Either way, you’re
headed for big trouble and big-time
problems.
Jesus provides Christians with the perfect
example to follow. He is the epitome of
what a real man should be. If you’re a
young man here today your goal in life
should be to grow up spiritually and become
exactly like Jesus Christ. Young ladies,
the same applies to you. The boys you date
and the man you eventually marry ought to be
focused on Jesus Christ and His Word as
priority number one in life. If he’s not,
then he is a loser, and you’re better
off leaving him behind.
D. Gentlemen, you call the shots; you are
the responsible party. E.g., upon meeting
her father you extend a firm
handshake {none of that weak, wilted lily
nonsense} and say, “Hello Mr. Johnson, it’s
nice to meet you, Sir. I’m Ric Webb, and
I’ll be responsible for your daughter
tonight. Katie and I are going to the
movies tonight, Sir. We’re going to see
‘Return of the Dinosaur Weasel Warrior, part
14.’ It starts at precisely 7:10 p.m. and
ends at approximately 9:15 p.m. I will then
transport your daughter to Bacon Bob’s
Burger-Rama where I will proceed to purchase
a chocolate malt for her and one of those
Oreo shakes with the little cookies in it
for myself. Upon finishing this calorific
feast, I will bring her back to this exact
spot at the designated time: 10:30 p.m.
Sir!”
E. The young man and the young lady
must have a pre-determined honor code before dating. Where do you get
this? This comes from doctrine in the soul,
from divine viewpoint.
When you leave it to the woman to determine
your character, guys, you are weak
and irresponsible. No real man would dare
take a woman, emotionally or physically,
where she doesn’t need to go. If so, you
are breaking down her barriers. She’ll be
physically and emotionally used, exploited
down the road. You are dating another man’s
future wife. Keep in mind, someone’s dating
yours!
F. Teenagers, you don’t have the right
to turn each other on. You don’t have
the capacity or self-control to handle that
type of situation. The Bible reserves that
right and privilege for the marital
relationship.1 Corinthians 7:3-4 says, “Let the husband fulfill his
duty [o)feilh/
(opheile)- responsibility, obligation, debt] to his wife, and
likewise also the wife to her
husband. The wife does not have authority
over her own body, but the husband {does};
and likewise also the husband does not have
authority over his own body, but the wife
{does.}”
G. Ladies, if you wouldn’t marry him,
don’t date him. The same is true for
you, young men. You’ll marry exactly what
you date and exactly what you are— cheap,
easy, dishonorable, lazy, apathetic,
dishonest, etc.
H. Dating is the exploration of a
friendship, not an excuse for sexual
immorality. There are many passages in
the Word of God that deal with premarital
sex and sex between two unmarried
individuals. The Biblical term is
fornication, and it is listed as a personal
sin and a violation of God’s plan for the
sexual relationship of marriage— 1
Corinthians 6:9.
Hebrews 13:4 lays down the command, to
“{Let} marriage {be held} in honor among
all, and let the {marriage} bed {be}
undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers
God will judge.”
Principle: Victory over
sexual temptation will be gained only
through the Resurrection power of Jesus
Christ {Rom. 6} and the divine provision of
wisdom in the Word.
I. If you’re dating to ‘turn him or
her on,’ you’re turning off the plan of God.
Principle: Spiritual love
is never selfish or self promoting {1
Cor. 13:4-5}.
Final Principle:
You can’t
lose when a love for Jesus Christ comes
first!
More Issues to
Consider in Dating
(click here to view in
Word format)
1. The first thing we need to deal with is
perspective. No matter how wonderful
he may be ladies, or how gorgeous she is
guys, you must always bear in mind
priority number one is not the gift,
its the Giver: Jesus Christ.
2. Here are some questions and concerns for a date or prospective
date; and I’m going to challenge you to
consider very closely and carefully the
answers you find. Why? Because Proverbs
18:15 tells us, that “The mind of the
prudent acquires knowledge, and the ear of
the wise seeks knowledge.”
A. What is the objective of your life, the
single-minded focus? To become the man or
woman God designed you to be? To live in
the light of His will and walk by the Light
of His Word? Psalm 42:1-2 says, “As the
deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul
pants for You, O God. My soul thirsts for
God, for the living God; when shall I come
and appear before God?”
B. Do you see any semblance of spiritual
motivation, any maturity, any courage, any
conviction from the Word in their life?
1) Wise King Solomon told his son Rehoboam, to
“Trust in the LORD
with all your heart, and do not lean on your
own understanding. In all your ways
acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths
straight,” Proverbs 3:5-6.
2) In His Sermon on the Mount Jesus told the faithful few among His
fellow Jews, “Blessed are those who
hunger and thirst for righteousness, for
they shall be satisfied,” Matthew 5:6.
C. Do you ever hear principles of Truth,
promises of power, prayer… anything about
Christ as Hero?
1) In Matthew 4:4 the Lord Jesus Christ said,
“It is written, ‘Man
shall not live on bread alone, but on every
word that proceeds out of the mouth of
God.’”
2) Paul instructed Timothy, and every other believer who would go on
to read these words, to “Be diligent to
present yourself approved to God as a
workman who does not need to be ashamed,
handling accurately the Word of Truth.”
D. Do they have problems with authority?
Are they rebellious, arrogant, hateful?Why
does any believer, adult or teenager, submit
to authority? For one reason: because God
designed systems of authority for the
Conflict in which we live and breath, and
thus to submit, in humility, glorifies
Him.
E. Observe the friends of someone you
date. 1 Corinthians 15:33 says, “Do not
be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good
character.’”
F. Stay away from the self-centered, they
serve only themselves, only their sin. In
Romans 6:17-18 Paul say’s, “But thanks be
to God that though you were slaves of sin,
you became obedient from the heart to
that form of teaching to which you were
committed [Doctrine sound
and solid, words of Freedom and of Life],
and having been freed from sin [ /
domination of / SN], you became slaves of
righteousness.” Though they have been
freed from its power to dominate and control
them, the egocentric, self-absorbed believer
is still a slave to her SN.
G. Do you see integrity? Integrity is
simply ‘consistency of character.’
Christian integrity will build a wall around
your marriage first, and family second.
H. Does this person show regard and respect
for others, or for the law?
3. Be discerning enough to notice the little things. This doesn’t
mean nit-picking but simple honesty in
evaluation.
A. How do they handle financial
responsibility? Do they waste every dollar
they earn or do they ever earn any money to
begin with? Better consider it.
B. Does this person display thoughtfulness
and caring?
C. Do they have manners; do they ever
think of anyone but self, or are they
thoughtless toward others?
D. How does this person dress? Are they
neat, clean?
E. Do they finish what they start? Are
they quitters, or just procrastinators who
never get started? Principle: Quitters
never win, and winners never quit!
F. Are they cruel toward animals?
G. Do they have a healthy sense of humor?
Laughter is one thing that will keep you
from going insane; love is the other.
H. Do they have self-discipline, the
spiritual strength to persevere and endure
through adversity? Paul wrote to the
Corinthians in 9:25-27 of his 1st
letter concerning this very thing. He said,
that “everyone who competes in the games
exercises self-control in all things. They
then {do it} to receive a perishable wreath,
but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in
such a way, as not without aim [we have a goal: / Son of God, / upward path
of growth, character, service and reward];
I box in such a way as not beating the air;
but I buffet my body and make it my slave,
lest possibly, after I have preached to
others I myself should be disqualified.”
I. Does this person complain and find
fault with everything? The principle:
Grace is the attitude of gratitude.
J. Are they violent, hostile, filled with
attitudes of anger and animosity?
K. How do they take criticism? Are they
overly sensitive, do they fall apart every
time someone corrects them or makes a
suggestion, no matter how kind or
compassionate the correction is offered?
L. Do they have self-respect and a
spiritual identity? I.e., a clear
understanding of who and what they are in
the eyes of God— bondslaves to Jesus Christ,
and Royal Priests, Ambassadors and
Ministers.
M. Would this person make a great friend
for life?
